Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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