I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
