Don't make out with my wife yet
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
