Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
