summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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