And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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