I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
