You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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