Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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