hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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