She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
