sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize