It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
