please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I smell like Dick and happiness
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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