apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
