Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
