I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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