Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
