I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
