I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
