Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
pray to the hookup gods
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
