You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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