It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
