I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
