I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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