dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize