One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
