we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
