youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
