she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
