Your dad touched me again.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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