worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
