Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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