He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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