just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
