is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
