I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
