I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
