we have pet lesbian snakes
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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