The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Holy shit dude........stairs
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
