people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
