I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
