some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
