She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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