My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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