Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
