Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
