Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
