They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
