You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
