I wish my penis had an off switch
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
