This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
