TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
