if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
