I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This baby is an asshole
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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