He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Found your dick twin last night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
