Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize