One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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