i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
