If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
