The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
