Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
