Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize